It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
