I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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