If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
