I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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