how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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