You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
