Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
