GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
