She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
