Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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