just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
