i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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