Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
