If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
