break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I faked an abortion last night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
