Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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