where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
