I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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