I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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