ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
