Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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