Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
