My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
