I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
