I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize