You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
