Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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