how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
