You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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