is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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