how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
