I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
