you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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