That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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