i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
