Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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