so that wasnt chicken after all
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
