I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
