I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
