I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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