why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
