she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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