pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
