It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
