I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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