Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
