i don't like sucking hair
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
