we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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