dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
