you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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