At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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