My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
