You're my little dorito
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
