We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
