One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
