And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
