I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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