Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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