Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
