when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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