We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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