Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
