shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
