me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
