my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
