walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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