the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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